I Could Not Want You More (Than I Did Right Then)
by Total Percabeth
Summary: "I attempt to ask a second question, but his touch and my thoughts swirl together in a dizzy, drunk mess, and I imagine we're dancing to "Kiss Me Slowly," his arms around my neck, my arms around him. I real-life lean closer to him, catch his eyes with my own. He doesn't back away." - Fan Art, page 176


_I attempt to ask a second question, but his touch and my thoughts swirl together in a dizzy, drunk mess, and I imagine we're dancing to "Kiss Me Slowly," his arms around my neck, my arms around him. I real-life lean closer to him, catch his eyes with my own._

_He doesn't back away._

The noises of our classmates faded away as I got lost in Mason. I felt myself tip closer still. His lips are inches away from mine and he isn't pulling away. He's just watching me. He's closer now than ever before.

I want to kiss him. I've been wanting to kiss him for some long that it feels familiar, this want. My eyes are closed. I can feel the warmth from his body. Then… oh… his lips are on mine. They're warm and soft. His hand comes up to cup my cheek.

I'm kissing him. I'm kissing Mason. It feels like things are settling into place. I'm finally kissing Mason. I'm-

I jerk back, sitting up straight. My vision swims and I feel my stomach clench with the wave of dizziness that overcomes me.

I kissed Mason. I _kissed_ Mason. _Mason_. In public. At school. In front of our friends. While drunk. Well, tipsy.

My eyes are wide and my face is on fire.

Mason is staring back. He doesn't look disgusted or angry. Not even surprised. No, he's looking concerned. Concerned for me.

My gaze flicks over to where everyone else is gathered around the statue of Lincoln that _I_ wrapped up to look like a dick. Brodie is the only one looking at us. When he sees me looking at him, he grins and gives me a thumbs up. My blush darkens and I look away. Instinctively I look at Mason. He's still watching me. His face is open, waiting for what I'm going to do next.

"Um," is all I manage to get out. My jaw is clenching and unclenching as I'm trying not to cry from my own stupidity.

We're still sitting on the ground, facing each other and he reaches out with one hand, placing it on my ankle.

"Hey, you okay?"

I'm not sure what he's asking. Or _why_. Is he asking because I kissed him which would mean something's wrong with me? Do I look sick? I feel kinda sick. What was it that's so out of character for him to ask?

"Um."

I don't know what else to say. Words have escaped me and all I'm left with is 'um.'

"You looked really dizzy for a moment. You're not going to pass out or throw up again, are you?"

"Uh."

Great. Now I have two sort-of words.

It takes more concentration than it should to process his question. I was dizzy, but not anymore. The world is still off, but aside from stumbling and not-quite-there balance, I should be fine. My stomach has relaxed some now and isn't as tight.

"I'm okay."

Two more words. Four. That feels like the max of what I'm getting tonight.

"Hey, picture time! Jamie, get over here! The artiste needs to be front and centre."

"We'll talk about this later, okay?"

I feel like crying. _Fuck. He's going to find a way to gently let me down_. Then a worse thought. _He's not going to want to be my friend anymore_.

Then, with the hand still on the back of my neck, he pulls me in for a chaste kiss.

_Wait, what_? Mason stands and grabs my hand to pull me up and I stumble as my vision sways at the sudden change.

I manage to smile for the camera and it doesn't feel as wrong as I thought it would.

I kissed Mason but he didn't shove me away, didn't yell at me, or anything else of the sort. Rather, he kissed me too. He's here and his hand is warm around my wrist. I'm starting to feel pretty hopeful about the situation- either that he likes me back, or at least that I haven't ruined our friendship.

Afterwards, Brodie and Kellen clap me on my back to congratulate me- for Abe or the kiss?- and I stumble from the force.

Mason catches me with an arm around my shoulders and the other across my stomach. My skin lights up with fire under his touch.

I laugh and they crack a few grins of their own.

"Maybe you should get him home."

"Yeah, he's a bit drunk."

"'m not drunk!" I protest.

"Sure, you aren't," Kellen says in a sarcastic tone.

I stick out my tongue at him.

"Okay, time to go." Mason nudges me forward with the hand on my back, steering me towards his house.

Before I am turned away,

I trip and stumble a few times on the way back to Mason's house and I giggle every time as Mason catches me. Eventually, he just keeps a hand wrapped carefully around my wrist and I am so focused on it that the walk goes by quickly. Suddenly we are in his room and he's letting go and I miss the contact immediately. Then mentally kick myself for being disappointed when he disappears.

I sit there on his bed, staring at nothing at his desk and I'm about to flop onto Mason's bed and breathe in his scent when he's there in front of me, pushing a cup of water into my hands.

"Drink. You'll feel better."

Next thing I know, I'm in a sleeping bag on the floor between his and Gabe's beds on the cusp of sleep.

* * *

I don't remember much of last night except for Abe being a dick, the gym walls being chalked, the TP in the trees, and, worst of all, that I kissed Mason. I don't know what I was thinking, but it's in the front of my mind the whole drive to McCall.

Mason doesn't say anything about it and it kills me to not know what he's thinking. Eventually, I push it from my mind, figuring that if he can, I can pretend to too. As we start the hike I distract myself from my thoughts with the trees and the lake and enjoy being surrounded by nature. When we get to the lookout we stand side by side and look out at the boats on the lake.

"So, about last night," Mason breaks the silence.

_Oh_. My stomach fills with dread.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-" my apology is cut off when a finger lay gently on my lips.

"Do you want to kiss me?"

He's turned to face me and I'm still looking out at the lake but I can feel the intensity of his stare. I can feel my face burning hotter than ever before and I pray for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. My eyes dart around nervously before falling to the ground as I stammer out, trying to do damage control on our friendship.

"Jamie," Mason's voice is soft and gentle, "_do_ you?"

I'm staring intently at the ground, only seeing his feet when I nod minutely and I fear the sting of hot tears that are bound to come when he rejects me.

Mason steps close directly in front of me. I can see up to his chest. My heart is pounding. He comes closer still and he only has to duck a little to come into my line of sight from our hight difference. I meet his eyes instinctively for half a second before I jerk my gaze to the side.

Every nerve is on fire as I'm painfully aware of how close we are. Our chests are almost touching with only half an inch of space that's simultaneously keeping me sane and throwing me off the edge at the same time. I can feel the heat from his body and then it's on my cheek.

His warm hand gingerly cups my face and coaxes me towards him.

I'm hesitant to meet his eyes but when I do, I find I can't quite read his expression. The way he's looking up at me seems warm and hopeful like it was the answer he was hoping for, but I'm anxious that it's just wishful thinking that makes it seem that way.

Then his smiles, shyly and softly, and my heart flips. His other hand comes up to mirror the one on my cheek and his smile grows as his thumbs stroke over my cheekbones.

I want to ask if this is real when he pulls me down and _oh_.

I'm broken out of my frozen stupor when our lips brush gently and my hands come to rest on his hips from where they were hanging by my side. He pushes his mouth more firmly against mine and his head tilts slightly to the side and I grip him tighter as my knees go weak.

Mason steps forward and I am forced to go backwards until my back hits a tree and then he's crowding in my space, pressing his whole body along the length of mine. My hands slide along his body as my arms wrap around his waist.

With difficulty, I pull back and he follows my lips with his. I give in, letting the tug of my heart at him reaching forward to kiss me pull me into the delirious enchantment. I let myself get lost in the kiss for another few minutes, but I have to know, so I pull away enough to ask "Is this, is this a dream?" against his lips.

Mason pulls further away to look at me properly and I see his grin when my eyes flutter open.

"God, I hope not." The rough dept of his voice makes me shiver and a smile tugs at my lips.

I take one arm from around him and grab the collar of his shirt, pulling him back into me. We're smiling so much it makes it difficult to kiss, but we don't care. We just keep kissing.


End file.
